Life Update (From Costa Rica)

Well hello there! It's been a whirlwind of a month! On August 18th, I packed my life into a suitcase and set off on the adventure of a lifetime. I have now been in Costa Rica for 3 weeks, and I absolutely love it! My first night here? I wouldn't have said that. I was crying, and frantically messaging my parents that I had made a mistake and I wasn't ready for this. I forced myself to come up with three good things about my current situation and texted them to my mom. This is my list:

1. My bed is comfy

2. My host mom speaks slow enough to me that I can catch most of what she says

3. We are going to the beach after dinner

Fast forward a couple days to orientation and the start of classes. I met some new people, went on a city tour, and I'm feeling more like I can do this. All of my professors seem super nice, and cuisine class is already my favorite. Daily beach walks are quickly becoming part of my routine. My host family is fantastic, and I'm already dreading leaving them. During my first few days, I really felt my Spanish improving, but now it feels like I've hit a rut. I'm zoning out on conversations that I could be using to practice my listening skills, and I'm not talking as much as I should be if I want to improve. Having confessed that, I am now going to try to work harder to push past this. 

September 8th marked three weeks of living here, and honestly I don't want to leave. I have nightmares about waking up back home and missing the rest of this experience. I wake up so relieved to see the curtains of my tiny room  here. Every part of life here is so uniquely different than at home. The heat here is quite intense, but more than that is the humidity.   The trickle of sweat down my back has become as much a part of my life here as Gallo Pinto.   Which brings me to food; the food is absolutely wonderful, and I fully anticipate leaving here 15 pounds heavier 😜. My host mom is an incredible cook, and she makes sure that I get a full sampling of any and every dish that Costa Rica has to offer. My USAC professors are more like friends than professors, and a majority of my classes are super interesting! There are so many places to travel to and so many things to see, that I feel like I could spend an entire lifetime here and not have enough experiences. 

 I don't know how I am ever going to leave this place that has so quickly become my home. Every day here is such a blessing, and I'm truly doing my best to soak it all in. Pura Vida.

Guilt

I am learning more and more how much I need to lean on God and trust in His faithfulness and provision.  I am constantly being made aware of my inadequacies and shortcomings, but He continues to enter in and remind me of how He sees me.  I am loved.  I am beautiful.  I am HIS. 

Last night was a perfect example of one of the many ways God speaks to me and reveals His truths to my heart.

---

Lately, my big struggle has been guilt.  Guilt ranging from the lie I told when I was 6 years old, to the mean comment I made to my sister yesterday.  Constant whispers of shame mingled with frustration kept me up late into the night. Try as I might, I couldn't find peace.

 I turned to Psalm 103.  How fitting verse 12 was!

As far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us. 

Psalm 103:12

Upon reading this verse, I felt immediate peace.  I felt my guilt shrink in my chest.  I read the verse again and again.  After a few minutes I was able to sleep peacefully and while guilt still occasionally threatens me, I have found the truth and Satan's lies will no longer control me. 

Hello 2017

So, 2017 is off to a good start... A week into it my van was totaled (it's okay, I'm safe because God is good)... But seriously, other than that I am really enjoying the way that life has been changing.  I finished my application to study abroad in Costa Rica! I met a precious baby girl that loves to snuggle! The semester started, and I really enjoy my professors! More importantly, I have been learning how to find joy in each day.

Philemon 1:7

Most days there are not huge occurrences that induce overwhelming joy, so I have made a point of finding small things to be joyful about.  Maybe it is simply an unplanned reunion with a friend on campus, or the release of a new song that I absolutely love ("Helpless" Jesse&Joy).  And while all these things make me happy and I allow myself to enjoy them, I know that I cannot depend on these worldly things to bring me the spiritual joy I am seeking.  I cannot depend on the approval or work of humans.  It will simply result in continual disappointment and unhappiness. 

Matthew 6:21

Of course there are always days when, no matter how hard I try, I simply feel dejected and worn down.  Some days I really don't want to find the good.  But I am realizing that those days are also the days that make me even more excited for the good days to come.  To know that my sadness, regardless of how deep it feels, is known by Jesus; to know that one day He will give me an infinite number of little (and big) reasons to be joyful! How can such a thought not make your heart smile?

Revelation 21:4